Punk Rock Parents: When you grow attached to your birth control. Literally.

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

When you grow attached to your birth control. Literally.



Back in 2011, Louie was a newborn and my doctor asked me what I wanted to do for birth control. Since I wasn't planning to have anymore kids in the next few years I wanted something long-term but not permanent. The idea of the IUD was very very appealing. One time cost, no need to remember to take a pill or get a prescription filled, and 5 years of birth control sounded exactly what I was looking for. So I had the Mirena IUD placed.

Fast forward to December of last year and I called to make an appointment to have the IUD removed because my 5 years were up. Of course I couldn't get an appointment until March. So last week I went in for an annual, to get the old IUD removed and a new one put it. Sounds like a simple appointment right? WRONG! My fear was that my IUD had moved to far up my uterus and would be hard to reach. Instead during my exam my gynecologist was shocked to find that my little buddy had dropped into my cervix. She mentioned that most likely it was not even working because it was so low. She thought she would be able to grab it with her fingers and yank it out.

GREAT! My fear subsided and I prepared myself to have it "yanked"out. Of course this ended up being so far from simple. After a few minutes and a few different instruments used only the bottom tip of the IUD came out. So now I had this thing coming out in pieces. As she attempted to get the rest of the thing out it started getting painful. With every attempt my uterus replied by contracting like my water had just broken and the baby was coming, When she could not get it, she called for some assistance from a nurse practitioner named Jackie Pitt. It was weird because when I was in the elevator I noticed her name. I remember thinking that's what my friend Jackie's name would have been if she had married Brad Pitt. I even had taken a picture of the name to text Jackie.

So Jackie Pitt comes in and takes a stab at it. And I say stab because it felt like I was being stabbed in the uterus. After about 20 minutes the stem of the IUD came out. So now the top part was stuck. The doctor thought that it had embedded itself in my cervix. They kept trying. They discussed dilating my cervix to be able to reach better and get a better view. As I groaned in pains that I had not felt since Louie was born, they started talking about having to get it surgically removed. I was in so much pain that they idea of getting put to sleep and avoiding the pain I was feeling sounded good. After 45 minutes of trying the doctor was ready to call it quits. Jackie Pitt was not. She asked if I could stand one more try. I told her I could. She stopped and literally prayed to Jesus to guide her. While she did this I closed my eyes and asked my Tata to watch over me.

The last attempt was the most painful, but thank the lord it was successful. Jackie Pitt held up in between the forceps the tiniest little IUD in the world. It was not any bigger than a paperclip. From the pain I had been through the last 45 minutes I expected a 6 pound piece of plastic to come out.I cried from relief. Relief that it was over and that I wouldn't have to have surgery. The reality of the cost of a surgery started to become more real as the pain subsided.

On the way home I was stopped at a red light and semi truck passed in front of me. The truck had "Guanajuato" written across the side. This is where my Tata was born. Of course I cried.

The IUD was out but thanks to the"trauma" my cervix had endured (yes my doctor said trauma) she would not put a new IUD for 3 months.(the doc gave me 3 months of NuvaRing in the meantime)  She also put me on antibiotics for a week and sent me for blood labs to make sure there was no internal bleeding or infection. Oh and no sex for 2 weeks.

This appointment was just the gift that kept on giving. I was extremely sore. For days. It hurt to sneeze. And the antibiotics were majorly strong. So much that I was puking at my desk at work. When they say take with food they mean it. So when the doctor said not to lay down for 30 minutes after taking them I am listening to her!

So now I have 3 months to go back and forth about getting a new IUD put in. I had wanted to get the Paragard IUD put in. It is a 10 year birth control solution and could possibly get me to menopause, but the idea of having to go through the removal again is not appealing. I think it might be time to have a serious talk with Poppa and getting the "snip snip" vasectomy.


1 comment:

  1. You should have the condition of your uterus and cervix evaluated, perhaps they've been damaged by this floating IUD and you either will not need birth control because of the damage, or your uterus will need to be removed because of damage. As long as you have your ovaries you won't go thru early menopause.

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