Things you never ever want to hear. A play.

Scene: Saturday. Late Morning. Our house.

Joey is out on a bank and Starbucks run. Elissa is in her bedroom trying to figure out what to wear. The Phi is in her room quietly playing her 3DS. Lulu is running rampant throughout the house. Lulu walks into Elissa's bedroom.

Lulu: Mom, Caca.
Elissa: Do you have caca in your diaper? Do you need a diaper change?
Lulu: No

10 or 15 minutes have passed. Joey is back from running errands. Elissa is still getting dressed. The Phi is still playing 3DS. Lulu is still running wild throughout the house. Joey walks through the front door and from her bedroom Elissa hears shouting. 


Joey: Why is there a caca diaper on the floor in the living room?


Elissa runs into the living room to see Joey holding an open diaper filled with caca. Immediately the smell hits her.

Elissa: OMG! Check Lou!

Joey checks Lou 

Joey: She doesn't have a diaper on.

Joey and Elissa are now frantically carrying Lulu to her changing table and attempting to clean her dress with Shout. The Phi is still quietly playing her 3DS.

END SCENE

I jinxed myself

Today I was thinking to myself, "wow I haven't had much to blog about lately" and as soon as I let that thought out into the universe, the universe gave me something to blog about. Motherhood is disgusting. I mean I have come to peace with the idea of having to wipe shit of someone else's butt EVERYDAY! But today was a real doozy. The Phi hasn't been feeling well since Sunday. Well she was okay yesterday but this morning while in the office she was sitting on a chair watching a video with the new intern. She started to get cranky so I picked her up. As I walked away she threw up, all over me, all over her, all over everywhere! It was disgusting. I had vomit in my hair, in my shirt, on my pants and on my feet. Phi had just as much all over here. So after cleaning the rug as best as I could, we had to head out to the house to change. Since we didn't have time for a bath and a shower, I had to wipe us down with wipes and spray myself with Bath and Body Works spray. So now I smell like Mango Madness mixed with throw up. It is has bad as it sounds. But the grossness does not end here. We have some medication for The Phi for nausea, and just guess where it goes. Yes people it is a butt medicine. So I am trying to get her medication in as gently as possible and as soon as it goes in, she shoves it right back out. We went through this 4 times. And of course all my efforts were for nothing because as soon as we get back to the office she takes a dump again ( did I mention the exploding diarrhea today also!) and of course the medication was in the mix.

Seriously though it was disgusting. Being a Mom is a gross job. Mom if I ever threw up on you as a kid I am soooo sorry.