Tomorrow it will be one year since my Tata passed away.
All four season, all our birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.
There were so many great things this year that were not the same without you. Elaine didn't get a chance to tell you she was pregnant and see you raise your fist and say "Alright!". You never got to see our new beautiful Ellie. She is so amazing and you would have loved to hold her in your arms.
And now a year has passed.
This past week I have felt so very tired. Like living this last year without you has been so hard that my mind and body can't take it anymore. Like it took more energy to get through this past year. I guess grief is draining. I had no idea.
The thought of having to get through another year, another birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, summer without you is almost too much to comprehend.
There have been days when the day is almost done and I think that I am going to make it through the day without crying, but I never get there. I have cried every single day. I miss you so much and I still can't believe that you are gone. I feel as lost as the day you died.
Over the last week or so I keep seeing men who look like you. I will turn my head to talk to one of my girls and out of the corner of my eye I see you. And my breath catches and my heart races for just a split second until I realize it's not you. Of course it's not you. My friends say that these sightings are a blessing, a way that you might be communicating with me. And maybe they are but I am always left with a dark empty feeling because I am hit with the reality that you are gone.
As a family we are doing what we can to make sure that his legacy continues stronger than ever. My cousins and I have worked on putting together a scholarship foundation in my Tata's name. It helps me feel like by giving out an annual scholarship and working towards our goals I am honoring him.
Tomorrow I will meet my family at church to be together and get through tomorrow as best as we can.
All four season, all our birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.
There were so many great things this year that were not the same without you. Elaine didn't get a chance to tell you she was pregnant and see you raise your fist and say "Alright!". You never got to see our new beautiful Ellie. She is so amazing and you would have loved to hold her in your arms.
And now a year has passed.
This past week I have felt so very tired. Like living this last year without you has been so hard that my mind and body can't take it anymore. Like it took more energy to get through this past year. I guess grief is draining. I had no idea.The thought of having to get through another year, another birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, summer without you is almost too much to comprehend.
There have been days when the day is almost done and I think that I am going to make it through the day without crying, but I never get there. I have cried every single day. I miss you so much and I still can't believe that you are gone. I feel as lost as the day you died.
Over the last week or so I keep seeing men who look like you. I will turn my head to talk to one of my girls and out of the corner of my eye I see you. And my breath catches and my heart races for just a split second until I realize it's not you. Of course it's not you. My friends say that these sightings are a blessing, a way that you might be communicating with me. And maybe they are but I am always left with a dark empty feeling because I am hit with the reality that you are gone.
As a family we are doing what we can to make sure that his legacy continues stronger than ever. My cousins and I have worked on putting together a scholarship foundation in my Tata's name. It helps me feel like by giving out an annual scholarship and working towards our goals I am honoring him.
Tomorrow I will meet my family at church to be together and get through tomorrow as best as we can.
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