Sisters

Phi is now 10 going on 16. The kid hit her pre-teens and the eyerolls and attitude is in full effect. Louie is 5 and still at a sweet age where she loves to be with us. I can remember when this age gap was rough for me and my youngest sister. I found he annoying and I was too cool to hang out with her. I was worried that my girls would go through this same phase. Most of the time Louie is in the playroom playing with Calico Critters and Sophia has her head buried in a book or drawing a picture.

The other morning Louie showed me this picture.

The girls sleep in a bunk bed and at night they pass a piece of paper to each other and draw notes to each other. Phi loves to draw and Louie wants so badly to get better at it.  I think this is so sweet and a nice way for the girls to share a common hobby.

One Year

Tomorrow it will be one year since my Tata passed away.

All four season, all our birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.

There were so many great things this year that were not the same without you. Elaine didn't get a chance to tell you she was pregnant and see you raise your fist and say "Alright!". You never got to see our new beautiful Ellie. She is so amazing and you would have loved to hold her in your arms.

And now a year has passed.

This past week I have felt so very tired. Like living this last year without you has been so hard that my mind and body can't take it anymore. Like it took more energy to get through this past year. I guess grief is draining. I had no idea.

The thought of having to get through another year, another birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, summer without you is almost too much to comprehend.

There have been days when the day is almost done and I think that I am going to make it through the day without crying, but I never get there. I have cried every single day. I miss you so much and I still can't believe that you are gone. I feel as lost as the day you died.

Over the last week or so I keep seeing men who look like you. I will turn my head to talk to one of my girls and out of the corner of my eye I see you. And my breath catches and my heart races for just a split second until I realize it's not you. Of course it's not you. My friends say that these sightings are a blessing, a way that you might be communicating with me. And maybe they are but I am always left with a dark empty feeling because I am hit with the reality that you are gone.

As a family we are doing what we can to make sure that his legacy continues stronger than ever. My cousins and I have worked on putting together a scholarship foundation in my Tata's name. It helps me feel like by giving out an annual scholarship and working towards our goals I am honoring him.

Tomorrow I will meet my family at church to be together and get through tomorrow as best as we can.

To donate to the Jose P. Garcia Memorial Scholarship Fund

 please visit our GoFundMe..CLICK HERE