Sunday, April 07, 2013

6 Years Have Gone By

To My Cousin Roman,

It's been six years now and yet somehow it still feel like I just saw you. It is almost like the reality still hasn't set in. As my girls outgrow their "Roman" t-shirts and mine gets worn and faded it still doesn't feel real. In the last few months I have found myself talking more and more about you. Mostly because Sophia likes to talk about you. Our daily drive to school is usually questions about you.

"Mom, what did Roman like to eat?"
"Mom, what TV shows did Roman like?"
"Mom, did Roman every meet me? Did he like me?"
"Mom, tell me again why Roman died?"

I answer each and every question, usually over and over again. The strange thing is that these conversations don't make me sad. It's the opposite they make me happy. Even the parts that are hard to talk about. In a really small way I am keeping you alive. I am keeping my memories of you fresh in my mind by speaking them out loud. And I am giving the next generation of your family and chance to get to know all about you.

Missing you hurts but remembering you helps heal.

And there is always a song. Right now it's this one that makes me think of you..... Beam Me Up.

I love you everyday
I miss you everyday

your big cousin,

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