The Sort of Monthly Disappointment

This may be one of those TMI entries. See I am not regular in the visits from Aunt Flo department. The only time I am is if I am on birth control. But I am not, and have not been for about 2 1/2 years now. When PR Dad and I first discussed having kids we thought we should have 2 or 3. After being pregnant and having The Phi I was leaning toward 2 kids max. So we were settled. We wanted one more kid. Then we had to decide how much of an age gap between the kids. PR Dad thought 2 years and I thought 3. Really I just wanted The Phi out of diapers and so after she turned 1 I got off the Nuva-ring and just like when we got pregnant with The Phi, we went a head with our "if it happens, it happens" plan. Well here we are 2 and a half years later and it hasn't happened. Like I said I am not regular and so there are sometimes big gaps between periods and every time those gaps get past a month and a half I start to pick up on symptoms that might mean I'm pregnant. And when I finally let myself think that maybe I am, I take a test. And I kind of freak about having another kid and how I will deal with 2 crazy kids and then its negative and without fail I start my period the next day. Every time. And every time I am so disappointed. And then everywhere we go there are like 45985 pregnant women walking around. And I turn on the TV and that Dugger family is there taunting me with their 17 kids and fertility.