Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Since entering into the third trimester of this pregnancy my anxiety and stress levels are through the roof. It was like all of a sudden I was constantly worried about everything. I even went as far and starting to panic that the ultra-sound tech was wrong and Baby Blu was a boy and not a girl. Our baby shower is around the corner and I imagined getting all this girl stuff, picking a girls name and then having a boy. I imagined being days away from my due date and dragging myself to stores to exchange pinks for blues. When I mentioned this to Dr. Looks-like-Matt he was super nice and offered to do a quick ultrasound to double check for me. He reassured me that Baby Blu was still a girl.
I am starting to worry about EVERYTHING. From how The Phi is going to cope with such a big change, to worrying about the general health of Baby Blu, to being worried she will never have a name because PR Dad and I can't agree on one. I am worried about the house projects that are not done. The rooms that need to be painted and the floor that needs to be put in. All in the next 9 weeks! And of course I am worried about the actual labor. They say that you forget the pain of labor. "They" are wrong, I clearly remember the pain of the 19+ hours of labor with The Phi and worried about going through it again. This of course is on top of the regular, money, bills, The Phi's allergies, and the other everyday worries I deal with.
Even my subconscious is showing sign of my anxiety. The other night I had a dream that I took The Phi and Baby Blu to a bank. After leaving I realized that I left the baby at the bank. After going back the baby wasn't there. I was so worried about how pissed PR Dad was going to be so I carried around the empty baby carrier all day, but freaked out of my mind.
To make things even better the "nesting" instinct has kicked in and there are so many things I cannot do that I really want done, no, NEED to get done. Like right now. There is a box with a new dresser for Baby Blu sitting on my front porch, in the pouring rain. It is way too heavy for me to move so instead I covered it with a PR Dad's motorcycle cover waiting for PR Dad to come home to bring into the house.
I am trying my best to keep the anxiety at bay. Its bad for my blood sugar levels, bad for my sleep, and bad for Baby Blu. Work has been a nice break from all the worry since it has been so busy with lots of new things to learn and understand, but once I get home the anxiety builds until the end of the night I lay in bed, wide-eyed with every worry that could ever cross my mind, crossing my mind. I need to find something to help relieve the anxiety. I am taking any and all suggestions.
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